Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
