New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
