i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
