would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
