he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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