I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
