remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
