I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
