i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize