and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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