I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
