what day is it and did you see me today?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
