He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
