She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
