she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
