he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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