No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
