Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
