rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize