im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
