i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize