Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
