Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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