Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
