I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
