She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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