just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't turn off my feet"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
