Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
