i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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