I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
