My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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