He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
