btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
