I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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