Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
