...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
