He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
