sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
