goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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