So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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