Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize