i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My vagina just clenched in fear
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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