Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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