I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
