Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
