Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
