I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it glows. i had to have it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
