dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
