Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
