youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
