Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
