I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
