rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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