im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
