I hate all girls vehemently.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
