Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
