so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
