Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
