Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i came on her dog
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
