I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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