bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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