now i know why i became what i already was.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
