margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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