And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize