i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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