he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
