Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
