We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
