apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
