why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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