He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
