Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
