I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
