thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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