Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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