I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
