Sry I called you an 8
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
