i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
