My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
two words: eviction party
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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