My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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