i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
