I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
