Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
