cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
