I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
