omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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