You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
