Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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