I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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