Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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