***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
