I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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