yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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